So We Press On

I've been both exhausted and revived by writing lately. Luckily, the stories that are coming from this work will hopefully, one day, be a source of total enjoyment for others. Not only am I in deep with edits on The Unruly (sequel to The Flame Wars), but also I'm plotting the third book in the trilogy and two other books entirely (shh, these are secret books you know nothing about). All of this creative energy gets very muddy sometimes since my eagerness is bigger than the amount of time I can spend on these things. I literally have four different notebooks going right now to catch any ideas I have for each of these tales as they come.

I think about my characters always. In the shower, in the car, at work (sorry, Terry), and even when I'm playing games with the kiddo. I can't not think about them. This mental work tires me, and yet, I can't have it any other way. If I back off to "get a break" it's as though a jar of marbles just smashed on the floor and I spend the next "writing day" trying to find all the loose pieces to recover ground.

I can't say I have a writing process as much as a writing lifestyle. Finding the magic, losing the magic, refinding the magic. It happens in cycles, but they are familiar cycles. (There is no angelic muse on my shoulder, mind you. Just me.)

And then there are times when I get discouraged.

Times when confidence flutters in the breeze because it's not anchored to anything. Times when I don't feel appreciated, or times when I do but I don't believe what people are telling me. And there are times when, for no good reason, I just don't know that anyone cares about my work--the hours spent writing that they don't see. (That is the biggest issue with the writing profession, I believe.) And times when depression creeps in and all my characters whom I spend every day with go silent.


" . . . "


In those days/weeks, there's this other thing I try to remember. My [good] warlocks' motto is, "We press on." I think that's key in anything you do whether it's writing, art, relationships, horrible-awful-no-good days, parenting, having a career, anything. We must press on. Always. Push yourself to be better than you are today in whatever measure of progress you need. The world will wait for you simply because that's what it was made for--you. Then you go and make it what you need it to be. Press on.

Becoming

There's a phrase that often repeats itself inside my head. It says, "I am becoming."

You see there's a gap between the person I was and the person I am going to be, so within this gap I am becoming the person I want.

Anytime you've had a goal or a vision but aren't there yet, it's okay, because you are becoming.

You are reaching down, digging up the courage/ability/willpower/gusto to do this thing you want to do, and once you've done it, you will "be." "Be" is a good place too, don't get me wrong. "Be" is like a beach resort destination, but "becoming" is where you live the other 360 days of the year.

I've been away from the blog for a few months, but it's because I've been busy becoming. In the last two months, during this year's NaNoWriMo, I wrote the sequel to Burning Spirit, which is currently titled Darkened Sky. I've never written a sequel before. I had to adapt--to learn how to be a new kind of writer. Again, "becoming."

So, I am still becoming. And I don't mind if I wear this title for years because "becoming" is a state of constant change. Always striving for the better element.

I'm certain if you think about it, there are elements of your life you want to improve on, and so I wish you a safe travel through your "becoming" no matter how long it takes. I'd love, however, to hear where you're going, so feel free to leave a comment on your journey.

Wiping the Slate Clean

Life has a way of becoming terribly busy on you even when it seems like nothing is happening, and when it appears you're moving painfully slow.

That's been my experience lately. I turn around and it's been two months since I've posted on the blog and really gotten a chance to touch base.

Well, first and most important in my heart: I've been writing. Without question, anytime I disappear from the blog it means I'm writing harder, working toward a self-inflicted deadline, or overwhelmed with the quantity of work I want to do but can't get my body to run without sleep.

I've also been doing critiques for my writing group, which takes its own amount of time to do well and helpfully. If writing is my baby, the critique group is my stepchild; these are the people that will pull me out of a burning building with their words and I would do the same for them--they cannot be neglected.

In the process of incorporating their notes about my chapters into my chapters, I had an epiphany and this is the nugget of wisdom I wanted to share that started this post in the first place.

...Makes You Stronger

Last Friday, when the summer sun had set and we had just returned home from a day out, a windstorm of twisting momentum crashed into our neighborhood. The Derecho was widespread over multiple states with little rain and maximum fury. Like a lot of others, we lost power.

Being the farm girl I am, I diligently lit candles and waited for the lights to come back on. That's what you do where I'm from. You play board games, fill tubs with water (just in case), and read by candlelight for two to three days. Since moving to the city, power normally is restored in a few hours.

The first few days passed without even a flicker of light, and the temperatures predicted to be near or over one hundred degrees kept their promises. With no air conditioning and no breezes, you can imagine the house heated effortlessly during the days to ninety degrees inside, and barely cooled off to eighty during the nights. The Hubs, our daughter Z, and I sweat along with the best of them. I washed clothes in the bathtub and hung them to dry each day, and we cooked food and made coffee over an open flame.

Day five brought with it an overheated car and then an abrupt complication which left us not only hot and sticky, stinky and hungry, but motionless. The idea of running out for a cool drink or going somewhere with working A/C was gone. With no power to recharge my computer and now no way to plug in somewhere else, what's a girl to do?

Putting Yourself Out There

Yesterday I shared with everyone part one of my six-part fiction series The Trusting. I've written, edited, and revised this story for weeks now, and after the countless hours spent working on it, there wasn't anything left to change. Well, onto the blog it went, as promised, and I made announcements across the Internet so the world would know I checked into work at Writerville for the day.

Then I promptly closed my email, blogger, social media websites, and I left the house. I couldn't take the waiting while I knew others were reading my work. I wanted to know what people thought, but couldn't handle staring at the screen in silence. The waiting period is an aspect author C. Hope Clark just recently blogged about, and I couldn't agree with her more.

Yes, it can be terrifying to share something so close to your heart, whether it's the project you've been working on, a piece of artwork, a fashion design, a novel, even a new recipe. Yet, you can't let that fearful moment between, "here, I made this," and "what do you think?" stop you from creating or sharing.

That's why it's so important to be brave enough to put yourself out there.

Knowing Your Voice

There's an expression in writing which says "know your voice."

But what does that even mean?

Knowing your voice is knowing truly who you are, how you express yourself that sets you apart from others, and finding the part of you that consistently delivers what you want to give to others without becoming generic or routine.

Knowing your voice takes time. You must grow into yourself, dig your roots down (not out to others), and find out who you are. For some this happens at 20, others need to hit their 70s for it to click, but whether you know your voice or not, know that it is already within you.

Rita Dove has a poem titled Ars Poetica, which speaks of a man who "entered each day with an ax." That's my way of knowing your voice. To enter each day with the same powerful tool, whether it be an ax, an ear, a shoulder, a pen, ambition, vibrancy, etc. But knowing your "voice" isn't something exclusive to writers. Everyone should, at some point in their lives, come to know their voice and hear how it sounds unlike any other.

Why We All Want to Be Katniss

I'm more than halfway through reading The Hunger Games now after having enjoyed the movie, and I'm about as sucked into the story as the rest of the world, teens and above. Katniss Everdeen is in the literal fight for her life, and the world around her isn't forgiving. This is great fiction: conflict, danger, emotional turmoil. As readers we love to explore a world unlike our own, and gladly trade our life drama for a fictitious one where we don't have to suffer the consequences. What makes The Hunger Games so enthralling is that deep down, we all want to be Katniss.

Now, I'm not saying we each want to be the main character, the hero, the potential love interest, or the unlikely victor of our stories. What I mean is this:

Tomorrow is Not Promised

There's a saying my sister told me long ago that sticks with me: "Tomorrow is not promised."

Yesterday, we lost a family friend--the father of one of my husband's best friends since elementary school. This man came to our wedding, always invited us into his home (with free insult to my husband), made apple butter every fall, and enjoyed the classic spider-on-a-string as the best Halloween trick ever invented, despite my husband and his friend's attempts toward big-budget movie style horror.

Every time someone close to me passes away, I always hear my sister say those four words.

Tomorrow is not promised.

If we are going to do ourselves, our hearts, our familys justice, then we must remember this phrase and act on it. Don't waste the time you have. Don't treat others with cruelty. You only get to clock in and clock out once in this life (we aren't all Elsbeth), so you better make the most of it.

Henry David Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

I assure you, our friend Bill did not, and I refuse to be one of those people. Hug your children, kiss your spouse, call your parents and grandparents, play outside, and write and create with passion streaming through your veins. You do not get a second chance at this. Make a difference for yourself and others. Improve the world through love and understanding. Sing the song you have at the top of your lungs, and go to your grave exhausted holding out the last note.

There is Hope

There's a dark place in all of us where we fear if the things we want in life will ever come to pass. We painfully yearn for relief from depression(me), to find a home, to publish a book(me), to cure a sickness, to find love, or money to afford the essentials of life(me). This dark place of fear and trepidation, however, isn't sold separately. It always comes prepackaged with Hope. Through my own depressive states, when things feel totally awful, I know somewhere deep down that my problems will lull and resolve...eventually. I have Hope, even when I have to really dig deep to find that sucker, and you should know there's always Hope for you as well.

Getting Trapped in the Gap

Like a lot of people, I go through spurts of heavy creativity followed by plateaus of blahdom. Either I'm terribly intensive, slaving away on my story and annoyingly stuck in my own head, focused on the world I'm building for Elsbeth and Burning Spirit,...or I'm not. I'm either the crazy chick from The Craft, or I'm the girl next door: someone calm and fun.

The problem is that you can't really get any work done in either situation. If you're girl-next-door (GND), then you're out having coffee and not working at all, and if you're crazy-bitch-from-the-craft (CBFC) you can't be objective about your work and you, my lovely readers, get left behind.

Don't Be Afraid To Be the Someone Else

Sometimes you get into ruts of who people think you are, who you think you are, and the perception of you from people who barely know you. Most of my life I've been seen as witty. I hated this for a long time until I realized how to use that sharp tongue to my advantage.
I've also been seen as serious. I was a serious child. Today I've found ways to bridge the gap between that wit, which is hilarious at times, to serious, which is highly functional in a bazillion ways.

Also, I didn't write much as a child, but now writing is my passion and career as an adult. Before I could pass myself off as a writer to friends and family, however, I had to decide to be just that. I had to make the choice to call myself a writer. I had to be someone else to everyone I knew so they would finally see me that way.

Being someone else means releasing the old stereotype of you and embracing that element you want to be.

In my stories, most of the time, if I don't include this character, I think of her. She's a bohemian gypsy with prophesy. She probably wears lots of purple and brown skirts and clinky jewelry. She's always there guiding me. She helps make choices with me. Call her a muse if you want, but when I kept brushing her off, not calling myself a writer, she kept coming back to the surface story after story.
Before I gave her the time of day, I thought I just wrote some things, some bad short stories, some good poetry, but I wasn't a "writer." And, to be honest, for as long as I thought that, no one else thought I was a "writer" either.

You cannot be afraid to be the someone else you wish to be.

I am a writer. Period. That is my stance and not everyone will "get" that. Even today, some people in my life still don't understand me or this process, but every now and then someone, family or friend, will make a statement that tells me they have owned the idea that this is who I am. Because I made the leap to be the someone else, they now see it as fact.

You shouldn't fear the creative element inside of you. Ridicule. Doubt. Uncertainty. You're going to experience those anyway, but at least you can enter each day with a tag on your shirt that reads, "Hello, I Am An Artist."

Day 24: Happy Thanksgiving! Get Back to Work

It's turkey day!!! I'm traveling all over creation for the next three days, literally eating a Thanksgiving meal three days in a row including the day I'm the host and chef. Not only will I be stuffed, but also, I'll be behind in my writing if I don't get a jump on it.

The T-day word count goal is 40,000. Sadly, the goal will not wait for you, so while it's nice to relax and digest, Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity to practice asserting your writing self and stepping away (before, after, or during the day) to work.

While it seems cruel for NaNo to sit on top of Thanksgiving, it actually helps you. The more you see yourself as a writer that NEEDS to write, no matter the day, the more others will too. Your adoring family will kiss you on the cheeks, say, "We'll see you in an hour, dear," and then they will go on doing what they do while you do what you do.

What's your favorite part of Thanksgiving?

Day 23: Writing Experience and the Only Way to Get It

I'm sitting pretty going into NaNo Day 23 with a word count goal of 38,333. I had a break through in plot which I shared yesterday and I a great writing session followed. I wrote a new scene and really felt everything working and coming together. How did I know? Experience. I've written (and read) enough bad stories and lacking scenes to know when they are bad and lacking.

For me, writing is a lot like hockey. You think it's going to be hard to skate on a thin metal blade on slippery ice, but if you understand the blade and gain experience with it, then it isn't anything more than practice and time before you're taking off on the ice. Just like there are misconceptions about writing, a skate blade is also misunderstood. The blade isn't a single, knife-like point touching the ice, but more of an upright rectangle with the middle curved upward. Because of this shape, a blade actually has two sides: the inner edge and the outer edge.

The inner edge (basic storytelling) is relatively easy. It's there, right under you, you lean in either direction, the edge gains pressure, and you spin in that direction. The only real difficulty of the inner edge is having the inner thigh strength (determination to write) to control it.

The outer edge (word choice, pacing, characters, etc.) is much more difficult. Lean too far on that outer edge without enough momentum and you're on your ass on the ice. Don't lean enough and you have no grip whatsoever. Mastering the outer edge takes practice and time, just like mastering these more difficult aspects of writing. Through these things, you start to trust yourself to move.

It's that simple: Practice + Time = Experience

Once you've gained experience, you're ready to carry the puck, check people into the boards, and throw snow in a goalie's face without even thinking about your blades because your body and mind instinctively know how to skate. You can feel it. The same happens when you write. There's a sense you have when a scene is working or not working. Experience not only gives you this sense, but also tells you why something works or doesn't.

Even if you're struggling right now, I hope you remember that anytime you are writing you're working on your experience.

Day 19: You Look Like Shit, Get Some Rest

My dear, dear, beautiful/handsome writers of the Nano Kingdom. If you're still with me (which, I'll be honest, I'm seeing less and less people writing by now) then your word count goal today is 31,666.


On days one through seven, I am the most enthusiastic writer you've ever seen. I'm giddy and excited, thrilled be working on the story I've been researching and plotting all summer and fall.

Days eight through fourteen become the meat of the meal. We separate the men from the boys, so to speak, and the strong, committed, determined ones continue onward while others perish in our dust.

By days fifteen through now, I'm honestly starting to realize the late nights writing to hit my goal are catching up with me. Day 19 has been my toughest day yet this month. I always find this kind of day somewhere in week three, maybe a little ahead, maybe a little after actual Day 19, but it's always hiding there for me.

I've come to call this day the you-look-like-shit,-get-some-rest day. We've been writing and writing, and, like hour eight into a twelve hour road trip, there's no turning back. I don't get discouraged by these days when they come, but I do think it's important to note when the word count slows to a drip. Even though I'm still enthused about my story this year, the pacing, lackluster and stagnant word choices, and stale air are quickly surrounding my motivation. Shoot, whole sentences sometimes get really, really long. I'm not coming at the story "fresh" anymore, but I have enough experience to know this is part of it, so here's what I do:

I sit down. I write.

Everything will be cleaned and polished later. Whether I'm on my third cup of coffee at nine o'clock at night doesn't really matter. As long as I'm giving my best effort and at the minimum getting the heart of the story out there, I can go back later and change the "started to run" to "ran" and the "is changing" to "changes."

Best case scenario, you aren't feeling this at all. Second best, you are and are getting over it and continuing. Worst case? You quit writing and reading anything about NaNo in week one when  you realized it was hard, in which case, you aren't reading this either.

How doin's?

Day 13: Pushing Beyond Problems of Your Novel Writing Experience

NaNo day 13 brings us to a goal of 21,666 words. This is nearly halfway to the finish line. If you're there with me, then take a small moment to be proud of yourself. If you're with me in spirit, then keep pushing.

I have a lot of friends in the middle of NaNoCraZo that are falling short of the word count by thousands as this point, but where they lack words, they make up for it in spirit. None of these lovely ladies are giving up. They share their deficit with the group, and then they push on. One woman in particular had zero words on Day 8, but she's writing in the morning before her children wake up and again in the evening, and is now around 14,000 words. I believe she'll make it because she's willing to do the work.

Whether your limitation is not having the stamina to hit the goal each day, or not finding enough plot elements, or unsupportive family members, or dealing with computer problems, the only option you have (if you truly want this) is to push onward and write.

Here's an example:

Mylaptopkeyboard has decided that it will onlygive me thespacebar whenitdecides Ishould have thespace bar. This notonly makes readinganythingI'm typing difficult, butalso really screws witha wordcountgoal becuase what my writingprogramis sayingI've writtenis actuallymuchlarger once I go back inand add thespaces,which takesup a lot oftime.

That is really frustrating! But, I push forward. I whine to my husband about how old my computer is and then I, to quote my sister, put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I write anyway, and then I backtrack to the beginning of that day's work and I add spaces, one at a time.

If you want to have a finished first draft (aka: rough draft) by the end of this month, then you will muster the strength and desire to push through anything.

What have you pushed through to keep your novel going? Leave comments below.

Don't Let the Wish Grow Cold

Well, here we are, sitting around, twiddling our thumbs, and waiting for midnight to come for the official start of this year's NaNoWriMo. (If you aren't part of this, but want to make the attempt at writing a novel in a month, it's not too late to sign up at the NaNoWriMo website.)
As with NaNo and any other creative endeavor, a little encouragement goes a long way.

If at all possible, surround yourself with the types of people (family, friends, online acquaintances) that support you. In my experience, even knowing one person is watching your back and wants you to succeed can be a stronger fuel than 100 naysayers you want to prove wrong.

There will always be those who "caution" you against falling flat on your face. These people are quite frankly afraid to see you succeed because trying so hard at something non-standard isn't their bag. I don't know of any artist who hasn't had to overcome some "friendly advice" of people who aren't interested in trying harder than the average.

If you're going to make your dream a reality and you're going to do crazy, off the wall things, like write a novel in a month or make the declaration to achieve something no one else around you has done, then be prepared to shed from your creative living space the "helpful warnings" as well as those who speak them.

When you look back on this month of November, or back on any project you set out to do, you want to see yourself as the person who did. The person who gave their all and completed the task. If you're starting out with NaNo for the first time this year, or if you've tried before and didn't "win," then know that I think this is your year. This is your year to sit back on December 1st and say, "Hot damn, I did it," and glow with an inner light you may not be familiar with.

If you have no one else in your life to support you, know that I support you. Know that you can do this. Be determined to achieve your goals. As the Evil Queen instructs Snow White before biting the apple, "Don't let the wish grow cold."

Writing in the Shadow of Depression

I'm going to be brutally honest right now, and not just because I have "something to say," but because I think this needs to be shared aloud.

Last week was pretty shitty for me. I had a bazillion deadlines. I was a giant grouch with a worry addiction. I lost sleep, my appetite, and my sense of self. I went through the wringer and it sucked, plain and simple, suckola, suckaroo, blah, blah, blah. I kept all of this between myself, my husband, and my sister.

I don't want sympathy, a shoulder, or even a lying consolation saying everything is okay.

Don't give me those things.

As writers we have these weeks. They come. They go.

I'm a writer who knows I have suffered in the past (and probably will suffer in the future) with clinical severe depression brought on from traumatic experiences I'll probably never share publicly. Depression is...well...depression. I can recognize that beast's shadow and I can see him coming from a mile away.

Desire to Be the Wind and Write Like a Storm

The subject of how others view you came up the other day. The word someone said about me was "industrious." After I said, "Huh?" she explained that I'm always in the thick of it, writing, submitting, working.

My reply was something along the lines of, "My God, it feels like I'm a scattered mess inside most of the time." I make lists of projects and ideas on slips of paper or spreadsheets just to get them out of my head to keep the mental clutter down. I also have a horrible memory ever since my daughter was born, so writing things down is crucial to juggling multiple projects and plots.

Then it occurred to me that my friend sees the whole, fully formed tornado of me during times when I feel like the wind, tossing tree limbs around and riping roofs off houses in random order. I have learned, however, that as a creative person you have to desire to be the wind and here's why:

Reaching Down Deep to Find Your Motivation

My husband, who is also a writer, has no problem with self-motivation. He wakes, he works, he creates. I on the other hand, need to "get my pilot light lit," as I call it. I need to get up and stand kindling together in a tee pee shape, stuff wads of newspaper inside, and strike wet matches until the fire begins to burn. When the usable material finally catches I'm ready to fuel a bonfire of ideas, stories, essays, novels, non-fiction articles, you name it -- let's burn.

Unfortunately, there are those times when the burning desire to write doesn't make an appearance no matter how much you drag that match across the surface of the box. It needs to be coaxed out of hiding, like a scared cat from a drainage pipe. Try as you may, nothing seems to get Point A (your ass) to Point B (your project). This is when you need to reach down deep.

You're Not Alone, But You Do Have to Work There

It occurred to me how solitary writing is (not a new concept by any means) and how much this can lead to the idea that we're all floating around out here, alone, typing up stories by ourselves.

You should just know: you're not alone.

No, I can't write your shit for you, and you can't write my shit for me, and a critique group can't make something work that isn't working, BUT you're a part of a collection of other alone people who work like you, and that should mean something.

Other writers all over the world sit around: alone. We think up stories by ourselves and draw them out of the air on our own.

(Don't confuse alone with lonely.)

I like to think when I'm by myself typing away that aside from the characters which keep me company during these hours, that there are a lot of other writers also committing themselves to this alone time. As I'm writing and chipping away at a plot, so are a hundred or thousand other writers in that same moment and we're actively creating something in the world that didn't exist before.

We're not alone at all even though we write in different cities, states, or continents, but this is our office; an office for one.

So, when your hair is ripped out and the coffee cup is empty save for the sticky residue ring along the inside, and you can't force characters to move that aren't meant to walk, while we're not there with you, we're all here for you. We're all here -- writing.


Share your thoughts in the comments section below.